Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Tiny Happy Things...


    A few things have happened in the past weeks to make me once again reflect on life.  Sadly, as has been the norm, they are not positive things.  

    One thing I know for sure, to steal one of Oprah's catch phrases, is that life is too short.  Too short for negativity, too short for what ifs, too short for regret.  

     When I lost my job at the school board, I thought that it was a terrible thing. I didn't recognize at the time, that it was  merely a turning point. I took a year to wallow in self pity.  Then, at the age of 43, I reinvented myself and went back to University.  It was the beginning of my reinvention.  Not only did I become a teacher, I subsequently became a baker and a high end jewelry sales person (which made me realize that I was never cut out for sales).  I worked hard at jobs that I didn't necessarily like, but they were a means to an end. I took the fork in the road, not sure of where it would lead.

     Finally, I was rehired in a field that I had come to love, in a place that felt like home.  I've been there just shy of four years, but have experienced a few bumps in the road.  I still love my job, I always will, but life has taught me that it is just that. My job.  There are good days and bad days, but I choose to focus on the good. I love my job. I'm so happy to have it. I refuse to let the negativity that surrounds it seep into my life.

    Instead, I choose to focus on the good.  To use the much quoted phrase, Carpe Diem (yes, Rick, I think of you each time I say it or hear it).  I choose to do that which makes me and my family happy.  Because in the end, that is what matters. That is what will be remembered.

     Yesterday was "National Siblings Day." A Hallmark holiday I know, but seeing all of the posts on Facebook of the happy siblings made me miss mine. Made me long for what never was and what could have been.   Not one of my three siblings lived past the age of 54.  I am soon to be 49.  As I reflect on that I can't help but wonder,  why should I out live any of them? What if I only have five short years, or even less, left to live?  What if we did indeed live like the song says, like we were dying? 

     When I think in terms like that, I realize that negativity and petty disappointments have no room in my head. Instead, I choose to focus only on the good.  Even when it snows in April, summer always follows.  The sun continues to rise each and every day. I choose to make the most of every opportunity.  I'm going to watch reality television with wild abandon.  I'm going to read trashy gossip magazines (and not just pretend to peruse the headlines in the line up at the grocery store). I'm going to knit and read until my heart's content.  Yes, there will still be bad days, but when they come, I will allow myself to eat dessert first.

      I am becoming increasingly more aware of what is really worth my energy.  Perhaps that is something that comes with age and not wisdom.  Whatever it is, I owe it to my siblings to find out.